So, last week I attended my first Autscape: a 3-day conference in Northampton run for and by autistic people. As a fairly-newly diagnosed Aspie, the booking and planning of last week took on great significance for me; an autistic “rite of passage”. Would I cease to feel like an alien there, in contrast to most other areas of my life? Would I finally meet “My People?” Would I maybe become “more” autistic by associating with those people? Would it change me in ways I couldn’t imagine? I guess these are questions many Autscape newbies have asked themselves.
I arrived a little late after a long and uncertain journey by 2 coaches and taxi. The first thing that struck me in the lounge area was the smell of BO. (Now I understand some autistic people have sensory issues with deodorant, or simply forget to apply it, but I have sensory issues with BO. Just saying!) People were sat round doing puzzles and making shapes out of geometric magnets. They all seemed to know each other already. I collected my conference pack and occupied myself decorating my name label with emoji stickers. I felt “more” autistic than everyone else there at that point. They were all chatting and laughing, not standing round looking lost.
It always takes me a while to adjust to new situations and people – and what a lot of people, estimates were around 160. It took me until the 2nd full day to start to adjust, and by then it was nearly time to go home. I attended most of the talks, although a lot of them went over my head, I need clear slides and/or to be taking notes for anything to really go in as my auditory processing isn’t great. The talk on high and low-functioning labels was most interesting to me as it’s something I and probably other late-diagnosed Aspies have thought a lot about. What is the function of a person anyway? A very interesting question which provoked a lot of discussion.
My favourite parts of Autscape were those involving music and arts. The piano recital, the singing workshop, and the performance on the last night in which I was lucky enough to take part. Music wins for me, every time. I even had a go at the mask making, although that was out of my comfort zone.
I didn’t make a large number of connections, but I did meet several inspirational people who will stay with me for a long time. The young person who flapped their hands a lot and seemed extremely happy. The person who kept getting up, walking round and interrupting big groups, but yet had a lovely conversation with me at dinner. The people who let me try out their noise-cancelling headphones. The person on crutches who said they were going to do a PhD “and if anyone discriminates against me, they can go f*** themselves” Well said! The many people who were thinking of, or who had, transitioned to a different gender from that in which they were born. One in particular who seemed very angry and hurt. I wanted to give them a big hug (although they probably wouldn’t have thanked me for that.) All these people don’t realise the impact they had on me – I’d like to say a collective Thank You!
Would I recommend Autscape? Absolutely. Was it challenging at the time? Yes. I came home exhausted and absolutely full but buzzing. Do I miss it now I’m home? Like hell I do. My only criticism was that it was too short. A full week would have been much better. It was of course hardly representative of all autistic people: many of us can’t manage such loud crowds, or couldn’t negotiate the planning and the journey, or don’t have the money to attend. Also it was of neccesity a very artificial environment, nothing like real life. Would I go again? You bet!